What is Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence

Types of Abuse

Domestic violence and abuse are topics that touch me in a very personal way.  I am a survivor of domestic abuse.  I don’t like to think of myself as a victim nor do I wish for any sympathy.  It’s always been my stance that I get myself into these situations and it’s my job to get myself out.   Often people in my life don’t know what I’ve gone through because I’ve never fully shared my story.  I’m sure that’s a little unhealthy, but there is some shame that I put myself in these positions.

Until 10 years ago or so, I never knew there was abuse beyond the physical. I’d been pushed, shoved, hit, choked, held down, slashed with a knife, and even once hit by a car.  I’ve always believed in the basic human good, but that isn’t true in the case of abuse.  I never understood, but it was all about control.  They wanted power and control.

Types of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence ranges anywhere from emotional, physical or verbal abuse.  Having personally survived all of these myself, I’ve found the emotional and verbal abuse to be the most impactful.  Where bruises on your skin clearly show in a way everyone understands and most of us know being violent with someone is wrong, the other two types of abuses often creep up on you.  Sometimes it happens and you don’t even realize it until things progress and the abuse is so severe you’ve unknowingly developed coping mechanisms.  You’ve been trained to behave or not behave in specific way.

Physical

  • Pushing
  • Punching
  • Choking
  • Assault with weapons
  • Abduction or restraint

Verbal & Emotional

  • Name Calling
  • Arguments that take you by surprise, but you are accused of starting them
  • Try to make you feel guilty
  • Condescension or talking down to you
  • Constant criticism, not constructive but in an attempt to break down your self-esteem
  • Degradation
  • Manipulation
  • Blames you for their bad behavior
  • Accusations
  • Becomes Angry wen demands aren’t met
  • Withholding (anything from refusing to talk to you, look at you or be near you)
  • Gaslighting (a way of making you question your version of events)
  • Circular Arguments – bringing something up over and over to push buttons
  • Threats
  • Intimidation
  • Shaming
  • Treating you like you’re a servant
  • Continuously points out flaws or short comings
  • Tells YOU what you are thinking or who you are
  • They behave like a spoiled child
  • Accuses you of lying or having a bad memory
  • Escalation of name calling or abusive behavior if you “talk back” or defend yourself
  • Lacking empathy

According to Liveboldandbloom.com

            ..emotional abuse is that it is a form of brain-washing that slowly erodes the victim’s sense of self-worth, security, and trust in themselves and others.

These all seem so straight forward, but once you exit the physical realm the other types of abuses can creep in ever so slowly.  I know I didn’t realize it until one day I was discussing with a friend how I was always walking on egg shells.  When that phrase came out of my mouth that was a red flag to me that something was wrong and had been for a very long time.

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